The snow makes everything seem kinder. Softer.
The dirty ground that now lays beneath a white blanket. The infinite gray and dark we feel this time of year when the sun doesn’t rise until after 10 am. The mutterings and heaviness that has been weighing on my heart as of late.
Then the snow comes along and covers it with a gentle web of gossamer flakes.
Like none of those things can stand up to the face of snow. It shakes it’s wise head in knowing, understanding that yes endless gray, long nights, and heavy hearts can indeed be trying. Then it simply turns around and goes about it’s task of powdering the world with ice cream and lace, reminding us there is a season to all things and that fresh, clean starts are always possible.
It’s kind of like grace in that way.
That wonderful gift that covers the dirty ground in our life. Brings a hopeful light to our dark and our gray. Smiles upon tired hearts and sees the absolute beauty that far outshines any mutterings and heaviness.
I have received much grace from Life lately. I don’t know that I have been taking the time to truly take it in, but it is there all the same. This snow curling down into quiet whispers outside my window is making me consider the quiet whispers of grace I have seen in this particular season of life.
The lessons in joy from a new pup that are reconnecting me to play, magic, delight, wonder. I have been forgetting what it is to hold those in my heart. I’ve been given a companion who holds little else in his heart. He is a potent reminder to never lose my whimsy, never discount the power of joy.
The passing of an old dog. My very, very best friend…you were the best, of the best, of the best kiddo. He let me know it was his time 7 weeks back. Even now, I am still not certain as to how I navigated that passage with any semblance of peace and acceptance in my heart, I just know I did. Our last hours filled with such beauty and love, surely Life was watching over us, gently easing what was always going to be a grief filled time.
Friendships, old and new. Those in my life who continue to stick, to tend, to simply be present for the journey. And allow me to be present for theirs. It is an intricate dance, our lives, weaving back and forth between connectivity and individuality. And I have been given these wonderful souls who shine light into my world, providing anchors of care and love. Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. (Cloud Atlas)
The recognition that I have been harming myself with an over abundance of stress and absolute lack of self nurture. I have been feeling the first traces of adrenal fatigue set in and ignoring them. My body has recently seen fit to intervene and request that I start doing things differently lest I continue down this path. I have had the good sense to listen, accept and receive this opportunity for change and restoration.
A poem published. Something I wrote during an interruption of consciousness this summer. A dark night of the soul as I tried to piece together shattered fragments of my heart and understanding of love, relationships, myself. I never would have imagined when I was penning the words that they would be printed and shared with others. I see them now, and I simply have gratitude they have been allowed to share space alongside so many other wonderful pieces by women.
There are other gifts if I want to take the time to keep recounting. To look at the past few months that have seemed so busy and heavy, with wise eyes that survey the dirty ground and knowingly agree that yes, my dear, there have been some hard times. Then simply turn around and go about the task of allowing my snow filled vision to gently cover those gray experiences with a gentle web of gossamer grace.
But enough recounting. For right now, I would just like to sit here and wistfully watch the snow fall. Making everything softer and kinder. Cleansing what was, bringing new life and a sense of hope to whatever canvas it touches. The trees. The ground. The houses in my neighborhood. Our beautiful, complicated, messy, lovely world.
This beautiful, complicated, messy, lovely heart.
Smiling upon it all and seeing the absolute beauty that far outshines all else.