I placed Dog’s little steps to get up to the bed out by the trash this morning.
The truth is, he never used them much the last 3 years. They were handmade to fit another bed, covered with remnants to match another carpet, from what I sometimes feel is another life I led.
They never fit into our new space. An awkward height, they didn’t quite match up to the bed and Dog wouldn’t use them. Somehow they got tucked away into a nook in my bedroom, and as time and familiarity tends to do, they became an unquestioned part of the landscape. I simply accepted them, a permanent object in the room, without considering their lack of use or extra space they occupied.
I’ve been having a good, cleansing feng shui attack as of late. In my physical space and emotional space. As I was tidying up the bedroom the other night, trying to do something about the over sized stacks of books which have overtaken it, I realized in finally getting rid of those unused steps, I would be freeing up a lot more space.
This is an ongoing theme in life right now, I am finding.
So I placed them by the trash can this morning, trash day, on a mound of gray snow, and was taken aback at the wave of sorrow that washed over me when I did so.
For dogs gone by, loves gone by, days gone by.
I had the urge to take them back. Store them in the garage. Hang onto them, this carpeted remnant of the past which holds so many memories of various ups and downs. Grab it all back and immerse myself in the comfort of used to be’s, let those used to be’s become an unquestioned part of my landscape.
I left them there, though. Letting the ups and downs of the past stay exactly where they are at. I simply acknowledged the scar of sorrow life has healed itself around and thanked it for all the wisdom it has brought me.
I choose new space.