I wrote a poem back in the spring called “Sunshine In.” Life wasn’t feeling very sunny despite the fact that the land was waking up from a long winter’s nap and stretching it’s limbs towards life, love and warmth.
Sometimes the heart has seasons of it’s own, and as our Alaskan days pressed towards what was going to be one of the most beautiful summers on record with more appearances from that bright glowing orb in the sky than we’ve had in years, I found myself curling up into a deep internal winter.
Frozen and paralyzed with grief and sorrow from one too many losses, I couldn’t seem to pull myself out.
I don’t know if it’s as Camus says, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer,” for I felt weak, fragile, vulnerable and incredibly broken with no invincible to be found. But I do know that I did manage to cling to a tiny spark of hope that I softly cradled and gently nurtured through the entire season.
Some days it was no more than a ghost of a flicker, but dim though it may be, it never entirely went out.
Somewhere in the middle of it all, I penned the words to the poem that follows. The words are plain and simple, perhaps overly so, but they represent that tiny spark of hope I carried during this time. A reminder that I could choose to believe in goodness and love, no matter how dark things seem.
My spark waxed and waned, but never fully extinguished gradually fanning into a bold flame of radial self love. I learned more about love in the winter of last summer than I have before… and I found it all inside of me. The ability to still love myself and cling to hope… even in my darkest of days.
Perhaps that is exactly what an invincible summer is.
I thought I would reshare these words tonight for those who are nurturing their own dim sparks and courageously following their own paths of self love. And as a beautiful reminder that life really does have a season all it’s own, and we can always choose to let a stream of light trickle in. No matter how dark things may seem.
When life is thick with troubled skin,
I choose to let the sun shine in.
When road keys up with riddled rock,
I choose to keep my heart unlocked.
When anguish sends salt tears to drown,
I choose to believe Love comes around.
That tears do dry and hearts will mend,
and so I let the sun shine in.
When bitter words mind’s eye do form,
I choose to try to good not harm.
When dreams lay noiseless on the ground,
I choose to play my comfort sounds.
When tugboat breaks adrift at sea,
I choose the tide to carry me
To blue glass watered dolphin fins
with whom I swim, as sun shines in.
When night seems long and hope shrinks thin,
I choose to let the daylight win.
When bridges burn and stuck I stay,
I choose to let hope pave the way.
When drummed beats do cease to drum,
I stop and let my heartbeat thum
For life’s true song swells deep within
once I just let the sun shine in.
When embered ash is at an end,
I choose love to bring fire again.
When brittle heart doubts hearts of men,
still do I choose to let love in.
When heart light’s flame may flicker dim,
but Phoenix ashes swirl within
Reform my heart shine strong again
if I just let Love’s sun shine in.