Yesterday, among many other things, the psychic at the state fair told me I am going to live until a healthy 98, receive something good in the mail in January, and have a rainbow colored aura whose energy is somewhat drained as of late- something which she said I needed to do a better job caring for and tending to.
I don’t know about the first two- I sure like the sounds of them and only time will tell- but the last one feels pretty accurate given my own sense of self. In fact, I just wrote a post a couple days back about trying to approach time like a friend instead of an adversary as sometimes I get stress because I feel I have too little of it, least of all for the solitude I require to fill my energy tank back up.
It’s a work in progress, reallocating the distribution of time in my life, and something that will continue to work itself out as Kauai begins to loom a little closer. I remember writing a post called “52” at the beginning of summer reflecting the fact that I had exactly one year left, only 52 weeks, before I close my practice in Anchorage. And though it seems like I just wrote those words, this week I realized September is upon us, the leaves are goldening and crisping and beginning to let go, and what was 12 months is now 9.
I’d panic perhaps at the narrowing gap between Right Now and Move Date- and I won’t pretend that I don’t have my moments- but mostly I feel so absolutely assured about the future and the direction my path needs to go that I have adopted an “everything will work itself out, one day at a time” philosophy to life.
All will be as it should be when it will be, and in the meantime I’m taking my lessons from the leaves and learning how to know when it is time to turn, learning how to let go when it is time to let go.
The truth is that I don’t know how everything is going to work out over the next 9 months and what the plan is other than 1) Sell the house and most of our stuff. 2) Make sure the fur kids have all the shots and paperwork and qualifications needed so they don’t get quarantined. 3) Buy airline tickets. 4) Move to Kauai.
There are a lot of unknowns and uncertainties in this plan. It’s a bit of a dark path, a leap of faith into the night, with the promise of beach and sun and soul-light at the end. I don’t know how it will all look or how it will all work itself out; I just believe it will, because I believe it is right and true and best for my heart.
I know so many people daring to leap right now. Making brave changes; scary changes; heart wrenching, heart truthing changes that are altering the course of their paths to get them in alignment with the person they feel called to become in this space. And I’m guessing they, like me, don’t know exactly how it will all work out either. That they see the unknowns and uncertainties in their own plans. Get a little bit afraid as they feel their way in the darkness. Keep stepping forward anyways, because they believe it is right and true and best for their heart.
And they, like me, are learning that we have to choose to trust, because we will never know if we don’t let go.
And we will never find the beautiful stars waiting to guide us if we don’t first find the courage to step into the unknown and bravely open our eyes in the dark.
And, paradoxically, we will never find the soul shaking, strength affirming ingredients of self needed to jump if we don’t dare jump in the first place.
So 9 months to jump.
But for now it’s Friday, my lucky day (the psychic said so), and we are jumping into fall. Enjoying an unusually warm week that is Alaska’s version of Indian Summer. Saying one last hurrah to sun kissed faces and cut off shorts. Greeting a sky that gets a little darker sooner each evening as it dances with northern lights and new moon and crystalline stars.
It’s my last autumn here, and I’m grabbing onto all the beauty that comes with the change of season as fast as I’m releasing the life I’ve known. All will be as it should be when it will be. And in the meantime I’m taking my lessons from the leaves and learning how to know when it is time to turn.
Learning how to let go when it is time to let go.