I will miss the bells.
All the beautiful bells from the Cathedrals of Germany that have rang out through the passage of our trip. We ran to the sounds of the bells this morning way up high in the pine swept hills of the Black Forest on the edge of Freiburg.
One day before Winter Solstice and between the mist and the trees and the old and the mystery it was ethereal.
I find it bittersweet to be sitting here high on a hill overlooking the city with just 1 and 1/2 days left. This trip was a gift, something a mere notion months ago, a reality the last 14 days, and today was finally the day I felt the magic.
Not that there haven’t been other forms of magic on this trip; envisioning a dream in your mind and seeing it through to fruition is its own kind of magic. So are the wonders of new sights and sounds and scenes. So is hot mulled wine at the Christkindlemarkts.
But that part of me- that part who lifts her face to the sky, listens to the trees, lays on the land and feels the steady beat in this place- that part who sometimes starts to see beyond as what’s in front of me fades and everything becomes a dance of lights and all I can see is the gossamer strands of grace linking everything up in this space, a sea of souls on a passage towards love- that part has been mostly silent this trip.
Sometimes even matters of spirit need a break, and the minds eye needs a rest, and it’s important to ground and just be in the moment- keep your eyes and wits before you- instead of walking around with your head in the clouds.
We ran in the clouds today. Through thick, thick mists and giant groves and trees so high and wise and old that all I felt was peace and calm when I laid my hands on them and whispered thank you.
As I ran, I thought about life back in Anchorage, with only 5 1/2 months until we leave for Kauai everything is about to change. It’s almost overwhelming- so much work, so much stress and so many goodbyes to people I adore and love that are going to break my heart all over, and yet I know if I could go yesterday I would.
I must become this bigger person, this bigger heart and soul in a land that is said to be one of the most magical and spiritual of all. I have to be in a place where I can curl into the sea and breathe the wind and sit with the sun and be one with love. I have to be in a place where the veil is thinner and the shaman in me can stop hiding and step more fully into the space of herself.
I have to go, it’s become a necessity not a choice. I can feel it thrumming in every cell of my being. I don’t know what’s waiting there, I just know it is calling me home.
-we can be no more or no less than who we’re called to be in this life: I know where my heart leads, I just have to continue to find the courage to follow it-
This trip was the gift of a break from that reality, from reality as I know it. A different kind of reality of cobblestone streets and a strange language and getting lost and new discovery and vow fulfillment and cities and countrysides and mountains and gluhwein and schnitzel and Germany.
And now it’s a return to reality, which means despite all the very practical tasks of living and arranging a move, it is time to lift my face to the sky and listen to beyond. It’s time now, they tell me, it’s finally time.
I can feel it beckoning; so quiet for most of the trip, so present on this day where I feel my soul begin to stir, feel the familiar pulse and ring of my call, feel my heart intermingle with everything and everyone until I begin to forget where I end and where they begin and I’m one with love once more.
I stand in the main square listening to the Cathedral bells ring at sunset, losing myself in the swirling masses, losing myself in the wonder of it all. Lifting my face to the sky and swirling up, up, up as if birds have tied ribbons around my soul and are drawing it into the light. Losing myself in the beyond and wondering how do others not see it is right there- this other world, so much love, just on the other side?
And all we have to do is pause, feel our purpose of heart and listen.
I just stand there and let the tears stream down my face. Magic.
And the bells ring on.